How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
