You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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