just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
