you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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