I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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