There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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