I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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