Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
