The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
