My nipple is on Facebook.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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