forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
