1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
