why didn't you poke me back
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
