I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
