just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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