I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
