what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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