i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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