Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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