when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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