If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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