Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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