you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
