I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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