that's an acceptable place to lick
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
