better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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