Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
