Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
