and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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