Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
