She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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