I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
