is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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