We're like a lot better than the average bears
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die, sorry about rent.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
