I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
