You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
