We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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