i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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