Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
