Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
