So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
