Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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