OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
