I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
