No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
