last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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