i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
