Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
