dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
