also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
