Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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