Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
