Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
