if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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